Archive for the ‘knee surgery’ Category

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back in the saddle…

Thursday, November 29th, 2012

Last week I began to work with a personal trainer to build muscles and strength that I have neither had nor used in almost five decades. Immediately I felt empowered by what I actually can do and that I ‘exceeded expectations for your age.’

This was especially gratifying to hear as I rapidly approach the birthday classified as “elderly!” Aging is not challenging enough but then statisticians have to label you. I think of ‘elderly’ as twenty years older than I am, thank you so much! It was good to hear that my simultaneous talking while walking on the treadmill was beyond what they expect for a woman my age. Within a day or two that empowerment still resting in my cells activated my creativity.

As I have been processing all the stressful personal events of this year my creative well has just felt barren. A month ago I tried ‘therapy sewing’ as my friend Rayna Gillman calls it. At the time it didn’t feel too therapeutic but rather a tad tortuous. Clearly I wasn’t ready then.

Yet after feeling empowered by my body and trainer I began to think more about getting back to work. I knew I could stand and sit and stand and sit and stand and sit over and over again. So I went in and began to work on a piece that has been staring at me for nearly 5 months. The colors are glorious blues and greens…no sorry for your loss browns and blacks! I was able to work two hours before my knees said uncle. Ah progress.

So I have been back twice since. I occasionally find a little pull to check my email or Facebook while there which is really just the addictive part of spending the past five months online.

And I had a good chuckle this afternoon when my body was saying let’s stop for now…after all I had an hour with the trainer AND the chiropractor today so my bod is a tad tired. But I pressed on (no pun intended) until I made a stupid mistake. I had just pieced in a patch between strips and then took it to the table to cut the new curve and basically cut what I had just seamed!

All the same it feels great to be back in the saddle…

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writing the bones…

Friday, November 23rd, 2012

As I continue to process my father’s recent death, my rehabilitation from two major surgeries in the past 13 months and my husband’s ongoing health issues which are requiring more of my attention I find myself in a quandary. So much grief…so little time.

I am a verbal and visual person. I problem solve by talking about issues, breaking them down by writing or speaking to gain insight. Once I process it I let it go…and move on to the next issue.

As much as I went to Facebook kicking and screaming it has been a bit of a godsend. It ‘s often been my overflow valve when I needed to just vent something. Yet I feel it is really unfair to my husband and his escalating health issues to throw him under the bus by venting online about his problems. So how do I cope?

First I have returned to writing more. I sat down the other day to write a ‘few thoughts’ about my father’s death and my unresolved feelings regarding the shortening surgeries of nearly 50 years ago. Eight pages, single spaced later… it felt good and cleansing. Sure there is still more in there to come out but it was a great start.

And by opening the door to writing again I was reminded of my drafts on the ‘book of humor.’ The night following the celebration of my father’s 80th birthday I had a surreal experience otherwise known as the chocolate decadence birthday cake overdose. I was wide awake and hyped at 2 am so I got out of bed and began to write. I drafted 15 chapters for a book on humor. They’ve remained as drafts on the external drive for eight years now. It seems this might be a good time to reopen the files and finish that project. Although seriously can a book on humor ever be finished?!

So writing, continuing to work out to build the most functional body I have resided in and getting back into the studio where the colors are patiently waiting to embrace me once more will be my best medicine. Oh and chocolate…in small doses.

 

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behind the scenes…

Monday, November 5th, 2012

Today I went to a memorial disguised as a birthday party for an artist friend who died last month. She would have been 65 today. Judy was a wonderful pen/ink and watercolor artist, with all of her work being of animals. She was an exceptional equestrian and much of her work reflective of that.

One of the best parts of the event at the local art center was visiting with fellow artists. When one asked what is new with me and my art I took pause. I started to recant about how I am still recovering from my 2nd knee replacement in one year (cue the violins) when I suddenly changed course.

I remembered that while I am not actively making art at this moment due to surgery rehabilitation and the recent loss of my father, good things are happening for me and my art. The recollection was actually quite wonderful, a bit of cheer in my otherwise tedious journey of knee rehabilitation!

In the past two weeks my work was juried into Earth Stories, of which I posted last time. This is an exhibit of international artists which will travel for 3 years. Additionally I have landed a month-long solo exhibit of my work next April in Sausalito and I started an art group!

For years I have wanted to commune with other mid-career artists as a resource for support and growth. I was for a short time in a wonderful crit group but left as I was the most accomplished by far and there was nothing for me to learn. There has to be something in it for me!

Recently I spoke to a friend who is a sculptor and she was interested so I got on it. I invited women to join me whose work I love, and/or who I want to get to know better and who have websites, exhibition history and experience…the sculptor, a photographer, a painter, a brass artist and mixed media artists. All accepted so we are off and running mid-month in what I hope will become a monthly habit. The best part is they all are as excited as I am. Apparently there are many reclusive artists who also crave this connection with like minded souls.

So really while I have been hanging back, going to physical therapy and the gym, and spending unknown quantity of hours of the internet much has happened with my art! All really good news…

 

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earth stories…

Monday, October 22nd, 2012

Last week I received exciting news that my work was juried into a new international exhibit (of 25 artists) which will travel 2014-17. I digitally submitted five pieces from my Upheaval series for the exhibit titled “Earth Stories” which was juried by Dr. Carolyn Mazloomi. This was actually the second time Dr. Mazloomi has chosen my work for an exhibit.

In 2008 she chose “Naked Truth’ for an exhibit at the San Luis Obispo Art Center. Ironically the work I submitted to Earth Stories and the ‘Naked Truth’ piece do not resemble one another at all. I like that. It shows growth in my work which is always good to see especially now as I am working so hard towards getting back to work after a knee replacement.

I have a year to design and complete work for Earth Stories. My mind is full of fabulous ideas and what ifs. Knowing how I work I imagine that I will start and finish the pieces in early 2013. I am not a deadline driven person. I much rather take time to spontaneously create than tear out my hair trying to make a masterpiece by next Thursday.

While I might be sharing about my process there will be no overall images of the work because suspense is part of the protocol. While that simmers on low in the back of my brain I need to make four smaller pieces for future exhibits.

It has been a really long time since I made work specifically for exhibit. Usually I make the work and then see if the exhibit fits. After these next 6 pieces I may revert back. In the meantime I am excited to get started!

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anything worth doing…

Tuesday, October 16th, 2012

Probably the only thing worse than seeing an elder relative when we look in the mirror is hearing our parents’ voice in our head! Today I heard my father’s wisdom which he got either from his Bible Belt upbringing or Dale Carnegie… anything worth doing is worth doing well. Gad I hated hearing that when I was a kid and really at the time thought it was something that would apply only in that moment. I never considered that I might someday be older than he was then as he droned on about doing things well!

The past two days I have been working on the cartoon for a new piece for an upcoming exhibit. Since it is an abstract landscape I sketched and colored the cartoon, enlarged it to fit the size requirement and then some, traced onto acetate, measured the freezer paper and taped together sections to also meet the size requirement, slapped the acetate on the over-head projector, turned on the TV to entertain me while I traced the template and prepared myself to stand solidly on my new knee with bare feet for a good 10-15 minutes to trace. Ah progress…

I was about 1/2 way into it and stood back to look at the design and it was all wonky. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it so I looked at the projector and somehow I had slapped that acetate puppy on the surface backwards. Not just backwards… but upside down and backwards! By now my knee is beginning to serve notice that it is tired but I decided to press on and continue tracing it considering that during construction I would simply remember to turn the pieces upside down and backwards! OK, right.

And then Dad spoke…anything worth doing is worth doing well. OK Dad, I know but I really don’t want to re-do this! I don’t think there is enough paper left on the roll for me to do it. I don’t want to change my clothes and drive to the store to get more freezer paper to re-do it. I could just trace it again on the back side of the paper (and again remember to turn it over). Notice how I am now bargaining with the old boy!

And then I remembered. Why on Earth would I want to make something more difficult for me than it already is? I am basically an undiagnosed dyslexic person. I don’t need more confusion in this picture. And that is when I pulled the box of freezer paper off the shelf, cut a new proper sized piece, taped it together, took down the old one, pinned up the new one, flipped and rotated the acetate to draw it correctly.

He’s been gone just over three months but lives on through these important life lessons. Thanks, Dad!

 

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back in the water…

Saturday, October 13th, 2012

At long last I am back in the water, walking forwards and backwards, bending, standing on tiptoes, rolling like a seal and just flat out in repose. A brief incision infection and knee instability kept me out of the pool until now.

There are so many things I love about the water not the least of which is how inspiration and clarity come so easily. First the inspiration.

While standing at the edge doing side leg lifts I was struck by my own reflection in the water. The sun peering through the skylights created really dramatic long and thin diagonal ripples from my extended fingertips up to my neck.

If only I had a camera with me in the pool. I am always thinking this. A camera in the pool, a camera in the car, a camera on the dashboard, a camera built into the windshield to capture all these glorious inspirations for future work. More and more I am training myself to see with my eyes in the moment, capture it with my brain, and it works. Here I am several hours later writing about the reflection of my arm in the swimming pool!

When I just slow down and focus on my movement in the water clarity follows. Today my inner wizen spoke…even though this 2nd knee replacement has been so much more challenging than the first a year ago I am making progress. It may be slower than I would like but it has only been 3 months. So quit whining about it, continue to do the hard work and move on…for the studio beckons. After all that is the end goal…to be able to stand at my design wall without pain and make art once again…and to have a good reason to renew my passport!

Posted in knee surgery, shapes, wisdom | 1 Comment »

a sense of accomplishment…

Monday, October 8th, 2012

I’ve been on a roller coaster the past few weeks in the ongoing rehabilitation of my second knee replacement. Just when I was making stellar progress my knee became unstable…too much flexibility I was told! So the physical therapist grounded me for 6-8 weeks. After I sobbed for nearly an entire day I decided to eat this elephant one bite at a time! The Universe and my surgeon intervened a week later and put me back to work building strength on this still uncertain knee. And I’ve recycled a mantra from long ago…will it matter in a year? Hopefully not.

Last week the five art quilts I purchased from the SAQA annual auction arrived. After several polite requests to have the sticks cut for hanging purposes the slats magically appeared in my studio last night.

So today after the gym I hung all five pieces, walking gingerly with cane, hammer, nails, pencil, sticks and quilts! I managed all of them including two in a tight space. It gave me such a sense of accomplishment and also a HUGE sense of relief because unlike my husband I could care less about making holes in the wall! That’s why they make spackle! Had he been here surely there would have been a disagreement about where to hang which work. Besides most of the holes now have quilts covering them!

I started my art quilt collection with the SAQA auction about 5 years ago. Between my own art, paintings we have purchased, family photos and now the art quilt collection our walls are filling up fast. Perhaps next year before I begin to bid maybe I can consider this…uh, probably not!

My collection now includes the beautiful work of Deidre Adams, Jill Ault, Liz Berg, Pat Bishop, Betty Busby, Benedicte Caneill, Leslie Carabas, Julie Filatoff, Claire Gimber, Eva Henneberry, Cathy Kleeman, Denise Linet, Janet Moran, Yvonne Porcella, Alison Schwabe and Sidnee Snell.

Meanwhile I am taking back my life in little pieces. I am moving fabric around in the studio but not yet standing at the design wall. I am prepping some quick and awesome salads like fresh figs, goat cheese, walnuts and balsamic or fresh tomatoes, lemon cucumbers, goat cheese and balsamic or red cabbage, daikon, carrots, pecans, goat cheese and you guessed it balsamic and EVOO. This dash of creativity makes my tummy happy as my husband continues to do most of the cooking with the menu primarily meat and potatoes. I am blessed to have an in-house cook but miss my usual crunchy foods.

Soon enough…

 

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one size 13 step at a time…

Sunday, September 9th, 2012

I am in a very weird place with my knee replacement recovery. At almost 8 weeks my mental energy has returned with a vengeance but my physical body (the knee anyway) is not able to keep up! I continue to work hard in physical therapy, alternating with gym workouts and walking the track. I am walking some at home without the cane but still using it out in the world. I am driving again but with few places to go where I can stand for more than 15-20 mins. Short trips to pick up a few groceries or in the kitchen making a quick lunch or breakfast…things are progressing.

Before surgery I left a design template on the wall to inspire me to get back to my art-making. I also picked out the fabrics for same. This is my practice whenever I travel to have something other than a blank wall staring back at me to motivate me to get on with it. I’ve been thinking that perhaps this week or next I will start work on it.

And yet I am not sure I want to. Much of my mental process during this recovery has been about my art. For so many reasons I feel as if I am on a precipice …but of what I am not yet sure! My father’s death in June combined with my 2nd knee replacement in 9 months have catapulted me into a new chapter in my journey. I am not yet sure where I am, where I am going or what I am supposed to be doing etc.

And yet I know from past experience that I am over-thinking it. I simply need to get out of my own way. Whatever it is may not even happen now. I just need to stop trying to figure it out, get back into the studio and futz around on anything, not necessarily what is on the wall…just something to get those creative juices flowing again…one size 13 step at a time!

Posted in aging, knee surgery, playing, wisdom | 2 Comments »

hitting the road…

Monday, August 27th, 2012

This weekend two pieces from my Upheaval series are headed off on an exciting trip around the globe to Corsica, an island off the coast of France for an international invitational exhibit.

The exhibit theme “Connexions: California-Corsica is curated and installed by Lisah Horner, executive director of ACCI Gallery in Berkeley, CA, of which I am an artist member. The Corsica exhibit runs Sept 6-25 at the Casa Agostino Giafferri in Poggio-di-Venaco, Corsica and features the paper and fiber work of 34 Bay Area artists.

 

In this case it is very true that my art is getting out more than I do. What I would give to go anywhere right now! I continue to heal and rehab from my 2nd knee replacement in 10 months time. My eye is on the prize however, the end goal of being able to move freely in the world once again, to resume art-making and potentially accompany my work to some other exotic locale.



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random thoughts…

Friday, August 3rd, 2012

Now 17 days post op I am beginning to see all kinds of small improvements which add up to big accomplishments. My next goal is to be walking with cane instead of walker by week 3. A tall order but then I am a tall gal!

The recovery from this second knee replacement has been so unlike the first 9 months ago. Last time I was motivated by the fear of being worse off. This time my motivation has been yes, it is awful, painful, the worst surgery ever but the end result will be so worth it. What I did not count on however is the second might hurt more than the first or that my father would have just died. So I find my daily challenge is in feeling the sadness while also maintaining hope and optimism towards getting stronger and taking back my life.

I have felt great sorrow for this my fifth bone cutting surgery to essentially fix something which was not broken in the first place. My only thoughts about art -making have been possibly to add a few more pieces to the Tall Girl Series. It seems I still have more to say on the subject!

Driven by a lack of control I have been obsessed with clutter! I have never tolerated clutter and suddenly I find the feng shui in our house has headed for the door. Bringing six pieces of furniture from my parents’ home to mine in the past two years has mucked up the flow. Sure they are all great pieces but I spend a fair amount of my resting time thinking about what to move where, what to get rid of and how to get back my uncluttered ways. Of course standing in the middle of this is hubby who hates change. So I have time to think of clever ways to enact change without change being too obvious! Is it ski season yet?!!!

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