Carol Larson - textile artist

My husband is away for a week skiing in Colorado. At the beginning of the 7 day stretch I was thinking fabulous…all this time to myself, I must use it wisely!!! I have had a really tough time explaining my “freedom” mentality to him over the years. I think it is a female thing, being responsible for so much. He really is low maintenance though; any more so and I would have to check for a pulse! We have been married nearly 37 years and retired for last several. We get along famously, but every one needs their space. I imagine he is also enjoying tremendously the fact that he does not have to eat healthy food for an entire week!

We are now on day 5 with my recognition that I have just blown through the past 3 days focused mainly on CFA business. I spent much of Tuesday preparing to go to the annual meeting, driving down early to stay overnight so as to be in position by avoiding the dreadful morning commute. I spent much of Wednesday in the meeting and taking notes, which requires constant attention. I spent the rest of the day in Berkeley having a gay old time, spending Christmas gift cards on fabric, visiting a client about a jacket commission and dining with my daughter, returning home late. Today, I spent most of the day typing said notes and posting to the CFA membership and tying up loose ends of other commitments I have to the group.

All of which brings me to my latest priority: boundaries! Upon my recent announcement of my resignation as the regional rep for SAQA, I was bombarded with two requests to join art boards! Of course these also require a sizeable cash donation to the organization, or in other words, buying yourself a job! That whole deal was such an epiphany for me. I had no idea about paying to join art boards, so I checked in with my aunt who has been on many prestigious art boards. Wow, it’s a whole new world. And art boards love competency!

Without even a mere consideration of the monetary contributions, I refused both offers. One of the reasons I am resigning SAQA rep is wanting more time to make my art, instead of spending more and more time to make others look good! Enough already.

As a Hospice volunteer, my demise was their discovery of my competence. Staff used to greet me in the parking lot to have first crack at my doing their pet project. It became overwhelming and I resigned. It seems apparent that is what I do, when I need to set a boundary: resign. That definitely sets one, but perhaps staying put, allowing others to take on responsibility, and worse case scenario, the project splats because no one volunteers, is a better choice.

So I was thinking of setting a boundary with my husband when the airporter bus arrives Saturday night. I was thinking of telling him I need him to stay away another week, so I can do all the things I had hoped to do this week! Nah, I can’t see him buying into that one, either.

For the past month I have been working with another woman co-writing a group exhibit proposal for the Surface Design Assn’s 2009 conference. They chose to use an online digital submission process for the entries. This service is clearly on the forefront for online submissions, and is user friendly for the tech saavy.

Since I co-wrote the proposal, I agreed to be the person to upload the data onto the online application. With less than a month to write the proposal, edit it, and upload it, time management has been of the essence. Another woman, across the country, uploaded our images into the online portfolio, as per instructions.

After I uploaded all the written data into the various boxes, I came upon a glitch in the set-up. I queried, as I now imagine a few others had, and today discovered they had changed some of the rules in RED to garner attention.

Basically, they are accepting the images in a different folder, which cannot cross-transfer and so all the images and descriptions have to be reloaded again, by dial-up. Had they set up the application process the same way as the various other 20 exhibits had for their application processes, the images would be cross-referenced to the application.

All of this confusion basically reinforced my theory that we have come to embrace the flaky! Both as a kid and as a parent, planning ahead was a mantra. My daughter jokes that I am such a Girl Scout…always prepared!

I have noticed it in other scenarios. The class that is supposed to start at 9 am actually starts at 9:20 to allow for those who are late. The meeting that is supposed to start at 10, starts at 10:30 to allow for those who got lost. The working lunch becomes a lunch break to allow for those who forgot to bring their lunch to go out and buy it.

In other words, these adults whose parents did not harp on ‘being prepared’ are now the majority. Those who arrive on time, or even early now have to sit and wait patiently for those who didn’t. We have come to embrace the flaky!

I see it as having three choices: bring a good book, become flaky or get over it! I have worked diligently since my retirement to become flaky, or as my husband says another flaky artist! It is tough for me to be flaky, but I am a work in progress. Had I been totally flaky, I would have waited until Friday to start the exhibit application process!

This was to be the time my Dad came to visit for 3 nights. My sister and I scheduled this over two months ago and his siblings, who also live in my town postponed vacations and re-arranged their busy schedules to be here; to spend some quality time with him, before dementia takes him away totally. Alas, he cancelled. I fully expected another to sabotage it, and yet was caught off guard when he cancelled himself. In the end, like most everything in my life, I made lemonade from the citrus bestowed.

Since I now have four free days, yesterday I scheduled a facial. My sister had given me a generous gift certificate at a spa in Marin, for my 60th last year. So I called her to see if she were able to get away, and she was. We managed to get dual appointments in less than 24 hours. It was my first facial in 40 years; the previous brought an adverse reaction with blisters, redness and itching. So I went with an open mind and it was fabulous!!! Today I look at least a day younger.

The esthetician suggested I come back on a monthly basis for maintenance. I consider myself low-maintenance as I have spent far too much time with those who are not. There is no way I am going to let myself go, but I certainly do not need to run down the freeway on a monthly basis to enhance their income and maintain my glow! It is about priorities.

My priority is to make art, and to bring as much joy into my life as possible, doing just that. With these free days, I am a flurry of activity in the studio, finishing up one project, in the middle of a jacket commission; and topping off proposals due next week. Suddenly, this frenetic energy I was feeling with my Dad’s impending visit has been laid to rest and I now have time to once again find the joy in the work. And I have such a glow while doing it!

I always get these great hot ideas which would make me a gazillionaire were I a scientist, inventor or otherwise technical geek. Since I have been spending a lot of my time, too much actually, on the freeway system of No. California as of late, I have come up with another fabulous hot idea. So if you happen to be reading my blog, and you are of the technical geek/inventor/scientist/engineer variety, go ahead and steal my hot ideas, but at least give me credit when you appear on some TV show. You can keep the gazillion dollar check to yourself. If I had it, I would only be worried about the taxes!

My first fabulous hot idea for life in the car, came to me about ten years ago. It is for a solar implant in the windshield that changes the darkness of the glass according to where the sun is hitting the driver in the eyes. I live NW of San Francisco. An early morning trip to SF requires I move my visor at least 15 times from in front of me, to the left of me, as I change direction traveling down the same highway. Get rid of the visor and put the technology in the glass, I tell ya! Great idea, no car manufacturer has done it.

Today, as I drove home from Oakland, on a very “breezy” spring-like day, I was dazzled by just how stunning the view was; the breeze had blown the “haze” elsewhere. But is there anyplace to stop in the middle of the freeway to take a photo? No! The other day I drove to SF and back and while I had my camera could not get a good shot, driving in the fast lane.

So second fabulous idea is a small camera that attaches to the windshield, not unlike the portable GPS, with a remote switch on the steering wheel. If the traffic departments and bridges can take our pictures, why can’t we take theirs?!!!

Tomorrow, I have another trip in my car over the North Bay delta which heading East has so-so views but coming back is spectacular. There I will be once again, taking in the spectacular scenery while focusing to commit it to my visual memory.

Last night when I went to bed I decided that if I was awake by 7:30, I would get up and go to the city for a lecture at the DeYoung sponsored by the Textile Arts Council. I refused to set an alarm, because in reality I was having an internal fight as to whether I really wanted to go or not.

As luck would have it, I woke at exactly 7:27 am, which is early for me. I got up and turned on the heat and got back in bed, which is my morning ritual. We could set our furnace to go on automatically, but that would be too easy. So instead, we tip-toe down the hall, turn it on, and hop back in bed until it is warm enough to get up!

After 20 mins or so I decided to stretch, shower, dress, eat and head for the city. The speaker was on Sumba Textiles from Indonesia, and because I love the Bali batiks, I figured this would be a fascinating lecture. Wrong!

The speaker had an impressive list of credentials with a Ph.D in anthropology, a Fullbright Scholar, a professor in Chicago, an author and on sabbatical in Berkeley this year; as well as numerous trips to Indonesia to study the Sumbans and their textiles.

As I walked into the room, I could see various stunning textiles draped over a rod. Immediately, I was aware of them not being luscious batiks, but rather traditional ikat woven textiles of the “primitive” nature. Had I googled Sumba before going to the lecture, I may have had a clue!

As a weaver of 25 years, I am fairly well-versed in the indigo, ikat and handwoven textiles of the indigenous peoples worldwide. So I was a bit disappointed to see this was going to be the subject matter. But I was hoping this illustrious speaker would still somehow inspire me with her lecture about the Sumban people, their textiles and their history.

The first clue that this might be an exceptionally boring two hours was a woman in the row directly behind me, fell asleep, subsequently falling out of her seat and onto the floor, in front of her seat. She nudged my row going down. I felt terrible for her, as it had to be mighty uncomfortable to wedge oneself between two rows of theatre seating.

As the speaker lumbered on with her ums and ahs and repetitious banter, her ineptitude at running her slide presentation and her incredibly poor quality slides, I forced myself to stay in my seat and see what inspirational tidbit I could pick up for some future endeavor. I also started planning a trip to Australia and Asia, next year!

Well, should we try to go to Chiang Mai before we head for Australia, or do we want to do that on the return? And this looks like about a 4 week trip, which is really longer than I like to live out of a suitcase, but since we are going to be in that part of the world, we really should see as much as possible.

Occasionally, I would hear an interesting word, and write it down or notice the woman across the aisle speed-knitting in rib stitch, without looking. And, oh, that gal over there really has some great shoes on! Is that Maj over there? Why I think it is. I haven’t seen her since I quit weaving nearly a decade ago. Then I pondered why on Earth did I join the Textile Arts Council to begin with, if most of their programs are going to be about handwoven textiles, been there, done that?

At last, I was once again awash in creative thoughts as opposed to the brainiac place I have been living lately. And the words than came to me had such remarkable creative potential: plummage, animist, messages from ancestors, dualism, ochre (or as Kaffe Fassett says gorgeous ochre!), female power, visceral, entrails, orifices filled with gold, tattoos marking life experiences.

As I left I stopped in at the museum gift shop, which for me, is often the best part of a museum and found treasure! Then I headed home, on what is one of those glorious days that makes people come to San Francisco on a visit, and stay forever.

Today’s lesson in summary: Nuggets of inspiration can be mined out of an ordinary lecture. And there is NO traffic on Saturdays!

The muse has been in a fitful state as of late, trying to create fabulous new art whilst being heavily distracted by my ailing father. I am taking extraordinarily good care of myself as I have walked this path before. Mostly I feel like doing nothing and yet feeling bored at the same time. I am sleeping a lot and able to work in dribs and drabs, and grateful for that.

Today, I painted cloth and quilts. The first layer of paint on the finished art quilt brings on incredible dread, like what have I done? and the second layer brings organic delight. The second layer makes the piece all the more interesting to me. They are both curing now, so photos to follow. I also painted several pieces of damask linen I had dyed and discharged last week. It seems to take me forever to get into the clothes and mindset to go to the dungeon to paint, but once I am there, my inner 5 year old reigns!

And I am most pleased to report the pile of dirt is gone! There was however a wheelbarrow between the ladders and the exterior door, which I had to move to get to the door to let the sunshine in. Yes, we are having our annual February teaser, where the days are warm and sunny and the nights bear hug cold. We just get used to it and the rains blow on through again.

Also this week, I announced my resignation as NoCA-NV SAQA rep effective May 31. It has been a great ride, enjoyable and entertaining, but the time is right for me to do more short-term projects and spend less time here at this keyboard…she says hopefully!

Last night I started designing another piece for the never-ending Tall Girl Series. It has been in my head for over a year, so I decided to start it, to make room for other things to mull over. Then, I went to bed obsessing about a new design. I need a new design. Why can’t I think of a new design? Why is it so hard? blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Finally, the wise voice, the inner truth, which could scarcely be heard amongst the chaos in my brain whispered get out of your own way!

A couple of weeks ago I saw The Bucket List, and loved it. I came home thinking about what would be on my bucket list (things to do before I die). I couldn’t think of anything. Today, I was leafing through the endless mailings we get from Princess Cruises after our 2006 sailing to the Mexican Riviera. And I am ready to start my list.

I would love to sail around the world! You too could live for three months in a 400 square foot room, have someone cook all your meals and have sea-legs for a scant $25,000 . Come on! It is only money and you are going to spend it anyway!!! Wouldn’t it be fabulous?!

A very long time ago when I was 25 and hubby was 27 and we were childless, we bought our first and potentially only house. Because we had the intention of staying here forever, we bought far more house than we could afford, at the time, and the first few years, we did a lot of “belt tightening” but it was very much worth it.

Because all the bones in my body are creative bones, I put dibs on one of the three bedrooms for my studio. It has remained my studio throughout the years, except for one year when we hosted an exchange student for a school year. Before she came, the studio had been a prolific weaving studio with a huge floor loom. After she left, and the loom had languished in the basement for a year, it became a sewing studio. All the shelving and cubbyholes, hubby had built for a weaver-knitter still worked for a fabric collector. I liked to joke that I became a quilter after I discovered fabric could be purchased already woven.

My husband, on the other hand is also very creative and as the son of a carpenter had a war-chest of tools, so this basement workshop room sold him on the house. I get quite a kick out of it, because it is no doubt a fire hazard; and he is a retired firefighter!

Nine years into the marriage, we were delighted with the birth of our only child, a daughter, who is now 28. After she grew up and on, I acquired the use of her bedroom as a guest room/office. So far we are still playing well together.

When I became a surface designer, I expanded my turf to the sacred basement space. The largest room, officially designated as the party room by the original occupants, has seen only two parties in our tenure. This room has found a far higher purpose as the gardening/dye-paint/photo studio. We have co-habitated this room for quite a long time with his gardening supplies, chemicals, rototiller, lawn mover and various other specialty items on one side of the room and my dyes, paints, fabric, salt, clothesline, photo area on the other.

In the fall, I began to notice hubby’s encroachment on my area. First he laid these two long ladders down the middle of the floor. Where he has stored them the past 35 years I don’t know, but now there are right where I stand to hang cloth on the clothesline in my dye area. Additionally, there is now a huge bag of dried leaves that he has collected to mulch in his god-forsaken noise pollutin’ mulching machine. But alas, it is raining, so they too must be stored in my area.

This afternoon, I was downstairs discharging some fabric I dyed this week. As I tippy-toed around the ladder so as to not trip while hanging cloth, I spotted the latest intrusion and as far as I am concerned, the last straw! It is a pile of dirt, spread out, to about 2″ high in a huge 5-6′ circle smack dab in the middle of the area where I walk to hang my work to photograph it. You can see how close it is to the black wall. Right behind it, is also a wheelbarrow full of dirt with what looks like a thermometer sticking out of it, which I gather is being used to check the Ph level of the soil. This guy takes his gardening seriously.

Perhaps it is because I am not down there everyday that he takes advantage of my space. And don’t think I have not mentioned these intrusions before! I believe I will be no longer playing well with others. In fact I am off to the hardware store for some yellow caution tape! Plays well with others unless they get pushy…