Carol Larson - textile artist

Now that we got our adult daughter off into the world again and she is gainfully employed, I have been pondering what next in my “art career.” What next on my plate? We have summer wide open, with no travel plans till late fall. I have filled in a bunch of dates with overdue body maintenance appointments. I am hanging a CFA exhibit late July. And I thought I would dive into a new body of work, as soon as I finish sewing some linen garments.

A few days ago, hubby announced it was time to replace the kitchen and family room flooring, which has been needed for a couple of years. So we set off in search of something fabulous yet 80 pound pooch proof. I was less than excited about our choices, being limited to beige and pink stone looks.

You see we have this “nearly retro” 1960’s wood paneling on the walls. I have pretty much hated it for the 32 years we have lived here, but HE loves it and the house is half his. So in order to avoid the hunting lodge look, I have covered it with art!

This morning as I grumbled about the color choices, he says, let’s get rid of the wall paneling. Let’s do this right! Earlier in the week he agreed to paint the UGLY fireplace, so I am thinking this guy is either on drugs or at death’s door. What gives?

I beat myself down to the paint store and have already picked out a fabulous grasscloth to cover the paneling! (I have had many years to ponder this) I am taking down all the art tonight and he is starting the prep tomorrow. The floor samples are going back to the store because we can start that process all over when the walls are clothed, the ceiling and fireplace are painted. He has to rip out the current flooring anyway, to get to the wallpaneling. It is BEHIND everything!

So now, instead of having a quiet July upcoming, we have an insane month as we have the Swedes coming in August! And with the appts and exhibit, it is going to be wild. My new work will have to wait. There is no way I am going to re-schedule his acceptance of a new look.

The problem with being couth, as I see it, is it is next to impossible to be rude to someone. Like most of us boomers, I was raised to be thoughtful, kind, polite, never curse, put others first, be humble, and other extraodinary feats of impossibility. I have pretty much stuck to the important ones and let the others lapse.

I learned to cuss and got quite comfortable with a few well-chosen words. I often am thoughtful but with no follow-through, as in I thought about your birthday being yesterday but forgot to send a card. Often I practice random acts of kindness, just to keep people guessing.

And I am finally learning to put myself first. I postponed minor foot surgery 8 years ago because I put a dying person first. The surgery would have impacted my ability to caregive said person, which distressed him, so I cancelled the surgery. Now the foot is REALLY bothering me and I am again looking into having it fixed. I will dedicate the surgery in memory of my long-gone, but never forgotten friend.

Now, we have the case of the imposing foreign relative. My husband has 40+/- cousins in Sweden, many of whom have come to visit for various lengths of time over the past decades. Most of them are pleasant, agreeable, and downright fun. And then there is this one ignorant guy.

This guy, who shall remain nameless, just in case he has learned to blog, but in that case might he recognize this tale? This guy is planning his 4th trip to visit us. He is planning to take his kids and their kids on a car trip through the Southwest in August, assuring us that the car will be air-conditioned. This guy lives about an hour south of the Arctic Circle, where 70 degrees is a scorcher!!! Is he in for a climate change?!

The original plan was to fly to LAX, rent an AIR CONDITIONED car and drive the Southwest for 2 weeks, stopping at a friendly lodging accomodation, without reservation, at will; and then “maybe” drive to No. Cal to stop and see us for a short visit.

Every hair on my head stood up at attention. To this guy, there are no “maybe”s nor short visits. His last short visit included him lounging on the family room sofa in his baggy briefs for two weeks watching idiot television, because his leg bothered him on his sightseeing trip. I frequently suggested he change his ticket and LEAVE but no he was too comfortable imposing himself on us. He knew he could have free lodging with live-in chef and relax in comfort. Why go home?

My husband now quotes back to me one of my fav lines “it is just X # of days out of my entire life!” Well, honey, this is X days too many. So now this guy has extended his “maybe” short visit to us by 5-8 days! And I just know if he has to sleep on the roadside in his rented AIR CONDITIONED SUV a few nights, the three of them could be here for the entire vacation.

So beyond planning myself a trip out of town for August, I am seriously working on my couth skills again. Being kind has not helped. Suggesting he pack up and leave has not helped. The husband unit has not helped. This guy just keeps coming back, like a bad penny (what does that mean, anyway?!)

Now, I need to forget being couth, and get downright rude. I could say, welcome, now go home. I could say, you have worn out your welcome. I could say… Bugger off…what can I say to get rid of this pest? If I were uncouth, I would have an answer I am sure. If I were uncouth, I probably wouldn’t have this problem!

Is it just me or has our equipment become so complicated that no one can do a simple thread change without a degree in engineering? My husband aptly noted at dinner that he used to be able to service his cars and now he can’t even change the oil.
So it just isn’t sewing machines; it is all machinery!

Last time, I needed to change the threads on my 4 needle serger, I had to drive 20 miles to the dealer and have them do it. I futzed with it for over two hours, broke down in tears, pulled out hair, and turned the rest of it another shade of white. The dealer said to me…”simply come in anytime you want to re-thread and we will do it for you.” It made me feel about five.

It is a “spare the air day” (too much pollution and too much hot air means NOW we might want to cut back on our conveniences) and I have to drive 40 miles roundtrip to have someone thread my serger. Stop the insanity!!!

So I just sewed two linen outfits using grey as the serger thread. Now, I am branching out to purple, brown and black. I decided black or a black-purple combo thread would look much better. So I knotted all four spools and carefully advanced the thread through all of the needles. It worked! Fabulous! But one small detail. It won’t make the stitch. So I futzed for an hour before dinner, did some more e-mail, read a bit of a magazine, ate dinner, and now am contemplating futzing a bit more.

It is a strange thing, all this high-tech stuff. I am very software saavy and computer saavy until something breaks. I used to be able to figure out anything. I used to be younger. So now, I always feel it is somehow connected to my aging process when in reality maybe these machines are made for scientists.

I do have my futzing limits however. I never want to feel that hair-pulling kind of stress again. Life is way too short for that. No, when my patience level is reached I will look for my crayons, braids, overalls and sneakers and trek off again to the man with all the answers. From now on, I will sew only dark colored fabric!

Even the computer is complaining by running loudly on this hot summer afternoon. I turned it off for several hours, instead of staying in standby mode. And still, like the dog, it is panting.

Last week, I decided to take a quilt design break and sew up some linen for clothes. I love linen, especially in the summer. And I had a couple of pieces vying for my attention. So I did those, and then this week, while out of town with a friend, snagged two more pieces! And there is also a cotton jacket cut. So the plan was this week to finish the wardrobe additions and then get back to my art quilt passion.

What I did not count on was a heat wave. Yikes, yesterday was the official first day of summer and a whopping 80 degrees at 7 am. It continued onward, breaking only at 5 am this day with a slight coastal breeze. And then it cranked up again.

So, I guess this is really my summer vacation!!! I have been to swim, eaten takeout and watched some movies. I will succumb to the vacation, and maybe next week get back to “work!’

Sometimes I think giving work a title is as challenging as designing the work in the first place. Take for example, my latest piece…

It is of a grove of birch trees. I decided to call it bjork which is the Swedish word for birch. It sounds far more exotic than birch. But to spell it correctly, I need to insert the double-dot symbol above the O. Now, in Sweden, it is not called double-dot but rather it has a Swedish name, or pronounciation. But for my purposes, double-dot works fine. Further, when most people see Bjork, they will think of the Icelandic singer who appeared at the (was it?) the Grammys years ago in a swan dress. Not a dress that looked like a swan, but a dress that made her look like a swan.

I was about to name the piece BIRCH rather than BIRCH FOREST or BIRCH TREES but just plain old birch when DH came in and advised me that these were not birch trees at all. Huh? And I said they most certainly were, and to further prove my point, later on I googled both birch and aspen and in the fall, they both look pretty much like the quilt.

While he was in disturbing my peace, he also commented that the trees were not perfectly symmetrical, although I pointed out that this was an abstract piece. I don’t think Scorpios understand the word ABSTRACT. He said, uh,ah and continued on about depth perception, symmetry and the like.

We have a joke in our house about things being Scorpio’d…like the beans lined up the garden as if for inspection, the hospital corners on the bed, and the garden tools. And yet, something goes awry each night when the clothes hit the floor in a pile.

So I am going to leave it as BIRCH unless something fabulous strikes my fancy. And I have been known to change the title after a while. I guess it is sort of like the name not fitting the kid!

About 3-4 times a year, many of us are faced with the stack of entry forms for various exhibits. This is the case for me, now. I have been amassing them in a pile while my daughter was living in her room, formerly known as my office. Now that she has moved out, it is time to face the paperwork. Yesterday I got as far as to sort it into piles, make note of the timelines and then to watch “Virgin Suicides.”

While it is so fabulous to brag about work being accepted to various venues, and gosh! I forgot to mention those that weren’t; there is a lot of doubt, worry, logic, reasoning and finnagling that goes on behind the scenes. This time around, there are challenges, as well.

I have some new work. I have work promised to venues in the fall, when most of these other exhibits are held. And I have work I don’t want to be MIA for 3-4 months. I also am at the stage where I query why I’m entering quilt exhibits when I want to be taken as a SERIOUS artist? Why am I not entering ART exhibits? Good question!

As I stare at the paperwork this morning, I think maybe I will enter half as many quilt exhibits, thereby cutting my charitable donations (entry fees) in half. Before I rush into it, though, I think I will go swim. Or maybe go design a new piece; or maybe even sleep on it another night. What’s the rush, procrastination is my friend.

Yesterday, I had an AHA moment about my pseudo-panic over the empty design wall. And it was quite profound…as in I hope you are sitting down.

In the past month, I have designed, pieced, fused and quilted four pieces. The one I am currently stitching is #5, which came to fruition in less than a week. That is when the panic set in! Panic over what? Apparently panic over the perceived loss of my workaholism, (which is where I go when I need to disappear)? So where is the AHA you ask? The AHA is in the details.

I glommed a piece of my hand-dyed, screen-printed fabric onto the design wall. It’s sole purpose is to just be. All my anxiety and woe over my perceived loss of motivation has been quelled by a simple piece of cloth. And as my friend, Cara Gulati says that fabric is doing it’s job, by just being there.

Panic averted. My need to disappear, disappears itself tomorrow. Then I will return to designing with passion and not with this high anxiety drive.

As most of us have discovered, those moments of time between the work coming off to the wall, to be stitched and the next one being started, is pure hell. David Walker calls it “chaos on the wall;” which is a great description. To me it feels almost like pure insanity. It feels like I am a fake, as an artist. I have no ideas, I will never make another piece of work, although the most current WOW piece is only a few feet away.

So today in my ever-present compulsive need to find divine inspiration, I tore through half of a tree and 3 ink cartridges, printing out imagery. And this was just from digital shots I have taken, let alone the ALBUMS of processed film. So now I have a good sized stack of INSPIRATION! The task now is to cull through and find something that speaks to me. Oy vey, this being an artist is really hard work!!!

Now, I know that realistically, in my studio there is a file of inspiration. Some are even already drawn, drafted and ready to go. Could I have gone to that file? No, it seemed I needed to wander aimlessly down the aisles of the Inspiration Marketplace. It will be interesting to see what actually comes of this process. Heads or tails, old or new?

My previous goal was to make new and wonderful art. My new goal is to make new and wonderful art on a consistent basis, so I can upload it to my website. This will allow me to keep my Dreamweaver skills fresh!

I started this year by taking a Dreamweaver course. This was precipitated by learning HTML code two years ago, only to find out it was soon to be history. So, I thought, hey, I need another distraction from my work, I will learn Dreamweaver!

The class was two segments over an entire semester. I learned enough in the first segment to totally confuse me, so I passed on the 2nd half. I rationalized I could take it later, which translates to after they upgrade the software and the version you have is no longer effective.

So after my 8 week class, I slogged through re-designing my website. I completely deleted all the links to the site TWICE. Once was not stressful enough; no, I had to do it twice. I googled for help, which is another mind-blowing experience. If you don’t know what is wrong, how can you find the solution? It is like spell-check for poor spellers. Did the spell-check inventor ever think that people who can’t spell (namely, my spouse) are unable to recognize the correct spelling? Hello?

I digress. After several minor nervous breakdowns, I finished my site and loaded it. Since then, I periodically add new work. Yesterday was such a day. I had four new pieces to add, plus their accompanying detail pages,and a new gallery to total 9 new pages. I needed to tweak other pages and add prices, because EVERYONE is clamoring to know if they can afford my work! I could not believe how much I had forgotten by not tweaking daily. Check it out….www.live2dye.com

So now that is my new goal…produce work consistently and post to the web. Is the tail wagging the dog, here?